I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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