He had one of those small greek statue penises
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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