Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
