My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
