someone threw a dead crab at me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you traded sex for a burrito?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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