covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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