can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
