I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
