i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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