I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize