the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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