CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
