TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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