There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
