Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
