How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
whose parrot is this?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
