turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
