God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize