i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
