I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i think i have two assholes
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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