My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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