So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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