Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
