I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
