I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
