You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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