Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
