i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
