This house was built for laser tag.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i think my cat just said my name.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
