If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
