Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
