we have officially lost it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
