it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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