my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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