Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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