I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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