so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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