ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
