she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No subtext here. People are naked.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
