jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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