he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
