So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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