i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
