It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
