dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
