I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
