All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
