There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
