And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
