I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
