put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
