Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
