Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
