is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
