Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
