were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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