i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
