I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
