What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
