I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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