Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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