Christians are straight up FREAKS
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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