Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize