Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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