I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
