I want to have your abortion
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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