so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
