Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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