Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My balls are so social today.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
