So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize