I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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