I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
