how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize