im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
