i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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