i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There r osticjed everywhere
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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