a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There are leaves in my underwear?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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