I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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