You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
PS: I just woke up from my shower
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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