if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize