My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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