He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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